I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need water and some morals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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