he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
