I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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