yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
