So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
