Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
