apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize