I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
