She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
