He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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