When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
