new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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