whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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