Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
