I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
