P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize