I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
