i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
