Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
