You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
