How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
