You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
