He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
