I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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