You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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