my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
