the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
