Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
