5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
