Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
