member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Mom said you looked used
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
