where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
