I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
