I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
