I CAN MOONWALK!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
