sarcasm needs its own font
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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