I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
