I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
