he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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