Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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