I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
