if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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