I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
