at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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