Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
