Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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