we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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