This is not my ceiling
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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