im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
