One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
