Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
