it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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