____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
