You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
