Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
