yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
