How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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