How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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