its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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