I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
