Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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